a trigger for me has always been health issues. Because of events that occurred early on in my life, I feel a deep connection with my mortality. That’s probably why it inspires me so much in my lyrics. right now I am worried for my health but I don’t want anyone else to be worried. I am getting some serious testing done this week and finding out the answers that I need. Sometimes when you’re sick, it feels like your body betrayed you. You feel anger and resentment. Maybe it’s a sign…to get my attention..a spiritual reminder maybe. I cried today and held the people I loved most. I thought about what their lives would be like without me. I missed them. Love is so much stronger than anything an illness can take away in physical form. Crying is a release….healthy as much as I pride myself on being a “tough” guy….i mean girl.
Everything will turn out fine this week. I will start getting my energy back and hopefully ease the worries of family. Waiting is the hardest part. I lost my best childhood friend to cancer, and I remember it was the waiting that hurt the most.
I’ll think of him and pray to him tonight. I am grateful for my life and the love from everyone around me.
When I was 15 I went to a psychic in Georgetown with my friends from school. It was supposed to be a fun, light hearted experience. Well, when it came my turn she prophesised the following:
that I would be very successful, wealthy, a leader.
that I would get sick and almost die at a young age. (two years later that happened)
that I would marry a man with long dark hair.
and though she hesitated, it was clear to me that my lifeline was short. She never said how short! Damn it. But am I really going to let those words hold weight in my life? I will not be predestined for anything. I believe life is about what you give and the choices you make. (just thought of the game Chutes and Ladders)
Fear and worry: useless emotions. They are more like red flags to take note of and quickly pass. Worrying has never done me any good.
Coming from a deep place tonight. Maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s…..(sigh)
time to go to bed. a little prayer I used to say when I was little which i’m sure you’ve all heard….but it applies to all of us. So tonight here’s a way to end the night.
“tonight i lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
And If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
