imatriarch

Visit iMatriarch.com

“I'd rather go forever unnoticed, than noticed for the wrong things. I am a music maker, a lover and a warrior. I go by Matriarch. I am nocturnal. I love to sit at the piano with a glass of red wine and pour myself into my lyrics. I have a fascination with death and mortality. I get deep because I have substance not because I’m “dark”.I am dissonant like the thoughts you pretend you don’t have. I write about them. Depression is a part of my personality. I use it to make me a more interesting and substantial human being. Unbridled, I have so much to say. All I really wanna do is make art and make you feel. “-Matriarch

The problem with anything that works immediately is that it is a temporary fix. Basically the way I see it is whether your self medicating or on meds you’re in a drug induced state. Some drug induced states make us feel better by numbing us, but then compromise our ability to function either long term or short term, and others give us the ability to function but don’t really make us feel better (mainly meds). Ultimately what drug induced state you want to be in is up to you, but I know for me I’m trying to find something with balance. I don’t like getting extremely depressed, and I make poor decisions when I’m hypomanic. Even on meds we will cycle, but the highs won’t be as high, and the lows won’t be as low (at least thats the idea). “- a friend

1 week ago

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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

fuckyeahatticusross:

Hand Covers Bruise (No Piano) - Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

The main theme from The Social Network, without the key piano sound.

1 week ago

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In reading, I came across this profound truth filled statement. It changed the way I think. Hope it inspires new insight for you too.

Matriarch

“Causality is the acknowledgment that you are the source of your manifestations. Everything that you attract into your life is coming to you because of something you are projecting out into the world. By remaining an innocent victim of fate, you do not have to acknowledge that you are in any way responsible for what befalls you, and you can continue to hide deep within the vortex of your patterns.”- Cherie Carter Scott

1 month ago

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A Moment Come take my hand and the world will stop. I

A Moment

Come take my hand and the world will stop.

I’ve waited for this moment until the courage was sought.

I am ready yet never felt so unprepared.

When your presence near my body forces me to lose all bearings

And the self control so hard earned, so easily spit out.

In this moment, I chose to be with you.

I have made a decision that will forever change the way I think

Re-program the hard drive of my heart and alter my perception with every single blink

From now on I will create new memories to erase the ones I thought so great

because I knew there was nothing greater than the moment I saw your face.

All plans crumbled when we made love; as I was in control of my moment.

A moment can change everything.

And the second I lost control was when I knew I had everything out of a dream.

Matriarch

1 month ago

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“Lift up your eyes upon the day breaking for you. Give birth again to the dream. Women, children, men, take it into the palms of your hands. Mold it into the shape of your most private need. Sculpt it into the image of your most public self. Lift up your hearts. Each new hour holds new chances, for new beginnings.”- Maya Angelou

1 month ago

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muttering nothingness.

i am cold. i have layers of clothes on me and furry lined boots on. Why am I still cold?

kind of like today. I go to bed positive about the next day and sometimes the dark cloud comes over me luring me into isolation. I’m not lazy. So then why do I want to close my eyes to the world? I wanted to work on the William Control tracks but my creativity is jarred. It’s not something you can “snap” out of. It’s like a passing storm…you just have to wait it out. Sometimes it’s only hours. Sometimes it can be days.

the cat is meowing for no reason and I feel irritated. The memory of last nights phone call plays as My dad tells me he hates my new red hair. I can see snow on top of the mountains outside. beautiful. I want to be on the other side of that mountain…wherever that is. (cat still meowing) Last night he took a big disgusting poop in my favorite wooden salad bowl. why? Maybe the cat feels like I do.

1 month ago

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black sheep where have you gone?

Lost in a burning field of grapes

one by one the rows set fire heading for my heels

is it the season or the destruction

the imbalance the chemical disfunction

is it the precondition and the ones that won’t listen

a black sheep she longs to be buried in the beauty of gods creation

the pureness of the soil, the sweetness of the fruit

did jesus add the ethanol? did jesus add the ethanol?

i’m want this glass like i want love, like i want sex

like a human needs for one thing or another

this is a long road, a path i need to discover

many ushering me in one way with guilt and judgement

fear runs our lives. live in the moment. and in this moment i chose to write what’s poisoning me and the glass in hand makes it possible to do so.

this is freedom. tell me where else and i will seek it.

2 months ago

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1560

Rob Delaney: On Depression & Getting Help

This was originally posted February 26, 2010.

I deal with suicidal, unipolar depression and I take medication daily to treat it. Over the past seven years, I’ve had two episodes that were severe and during which I thought almost exclusively of suicide. I did not eat much and lost weight during…

2 months ago

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Beautiful photographic art shot by Greg Ephraim ( @dpEEf )

2 months ago

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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

this is a demo I did a few years back. i’m posting it b/c i still believe in the words I wrote. I’m going to stop being selfish and fearful of judgement. It’s all coming out now…every thing I thought….all that I’ve had to say. song by song…memory by memory in REVERSE.